It is January 1st of 2016, early morning and first day of my »self-helping year« as a result of my New Year´s resolution. I woke up and made coffee to start my first post of my first blog Freya May Confidential. I am going to share shit I wouldn´t be caught dead saying to anyone else in my life. Well, maybe to our family dog or an imaginary friend that follows me everywhere. Let´s get that straight – I am not a crazy person. My so-called imaginary friend is my extra mean inside voice and all I ever want to achieve is for her to be nice to me but she keeps being an evil bitch. I am talking to her/myself with intent to convince her/myself that I am good enough the way I am, but she/me doesn´t agree.
Anyway, I was awakened by my boyfriend´s alarm clock at 7 AM, because he forgot to turn it off the day before. It was ringing for so long, that I got up and looked for it in our living room. It drove me crazy that I couldn´t find it for a whole minute but it felt like ages. I was ringing insanely loudly inside his »hidden« coat pocket, that was laying on the couch underneath his work clothes from the day before. One look of his dirty socks was enough that I was completely awakened with no chance of getting back to sleep. Fuck it, I am writing about it already. How is that you can be bothered by the exact same stuff every single day? Me with his dirty socks and him with my whining about his dirty socks. Why don´t we change – at least one of us? It is the principle, I am telling you. If he stops leaving his socks everywhere as he did for his entire life, then he would be considered inferior to me in our relationship - but if I stop whining and just deal with it, then that our roles would be reversed. We can´t have that, now could we? To hell with our egotistic way of upbringing – they taught us to put ourselves first. To stand up for ourselves. That we are the best and always could do better. Don´t get me wrong, I am all up for self love and confidence, but not in such range as today´s education teaches us. Is that really the right way to go? What about patience and compromises? What about love and commitment? Caring for each other and whatnot – that should come to us instinctively. But no – when the first problems appear, we tend to run and look for »something better«. Divorces are more normal than happy marriages – when did that happen? There should be a bigger percentage of happy couples in our world.
I got a bit distracted there, sorry. I guess you would like to be acquainted with my problems. Well, they are everything and nothing, really. They vary from one moment to another which is even more disturbing. I once read a list online titled »26 People Only Anxious People Will Understand« and I understood. That kind of freaked me out, but it also made me laugh when I was reading trough it. I made a list of general issues, so here goes nothing:
1. Poor Body Image
2. Dealing with Eating Disorders
3. Feeling of Worthlessness
4. Panic Attacks
5. Lack of Money
6. Wrong Career Choice
7. Inability of Responsible Drinking (not really a problem but still)
8. Obsessing About What Others Think of Me
9. Daddy Issues (presumably)
10. Need of Being in Control
11. Fear of People Leaving Me
12. Fear of Death
I will be going trough all of the issues on my list one by one with explicit examples from my life. I am trying to understand how I became like this and how can I help myself and everyone who is feeling shitty like me and is not sure why to change our ways.
Oh, my name is Freya May and I am in my mid-twenties. I live in an European city with my boyfriend. I am unemployed. I love coffee. And I guess, trouble is a friend of mine - I want to unfriend him though.
Love,
Freya May
Anyway, I was awakened by my boyfriend´s alarm clock at 7 AM, because he forgot to turn it off the day before. It was ringing for so long, that I got up and looked for it in our living room. It drove me crazy that I couldn´t find it for a whole minute but it felt like ages. I was ringing insanely loudly inside his »hidden« coat pocket, that was laying on the couch underneath his work clothes from the day before. One look of his dirty socks was enough that I was completely awakened with no chance of getting back to sleep. Fuck it, I am writing about it already. How is that you can be bothered by the exact same stuff every single day? Me with his dirty socks and him with my whining about his dirty socks. Why don´t we change – at least one of us? It is the principle, I am telling you. If he stops leaving his socks everywhere as he did for his entire life, then he would be considered inferior to me in our relationship - but if I stop whining and just deal with it, then that our roles would be reversed. We can´t have that, now could we? To hell with our egotistic way of upbringing – they taught us to put ourselves first. To stand up for ourselves. That we are the best and always could do better. Don´t get me wrong, I am all up for self love and confidence, but not in such range as today´s education teaches us. Is that really the right way to go? What about patience and compromises? What about love and commitment? Caring for each other and whatnot – that should come to us instinctively. But no – when the first problems appear, we tend to run and look for »something better«. Divorces are more normal than happy marriages – when did that happen? There should be a bigger percentage of happy couples in our world.
I got a bit distracted there, sorry. I guess you would like to be acquainted with my problems. Well, they are everything and nothing, really. They vary from one moment to another which is even more disturbing. I once read a list online titled »26 People Only Anxious People Will Understand« and I understood. That kind of freaked me out, but it also made me laugh when I was reading trough it. I made a list of general issues, so here goes nothing:
1. Poor Body Image
2. Dealing with Eating Disorders
3. Feeling of Worthlessness
4. Panic Attacks
5. Lack of Money
6. Wrong Career Choice
7. Inability of Responsible Drinking (not really a problem but still)
8. Obsessing About What Others Think of Me
9. Daddy Issues (presumably)
10. Need of Being in Control
11. Fear of People Leaving Me
12. Fear of Death
I will be going trough all of the issues on my list one by one with explicit examples from my life. I am trying to understand how I became like this and how can I help myself and everyone who is feeling shitty like me and is not sure why to change our ways.
Oh, my name is Freya May and I am in my mid-twenties. I live in an European city with my boyfriend. I am unemployed. I love coffee. And I guess, trouble is a friend of mine - I want to unfriend him though.
Love,
Freya May
